Alcohol may just be the most marvellous, and at the same time the most inimical, invention of all time.

So after a few beers, I gradually slipped into a state of emotional anesthesia. The boundaries between reality and the dream world blurs, and I started to feel lightheaded, as if the heavy burden that had been crushing down upon me had suddenly been lifted. Its a most wonderful feeling when your mind can only conjure up the simplest thoughts - I hate the feeling of having to grow up, of having to learn about the harsh complications and practicalities of the real world.

I have the world sitting in the palm of my hand.

And then the effects begin to wear off in the wee hours of the morning. I awaken to the darkness with a parched mouth and startling consciousness, and the stifling myriad of emotions and boxed-up thoughts all come flooding back. Confusion, sadness, loneliness and guilt trample upon my no longer etherized mind without mercy, like bulls at a bull run. Reality shakes me hard, demanding that I repay the debt that i had accumulated with each gulp of intoxication I downed a few hours before.

Its exhausting to grow up. The world becomes so much more complicated, like a labyrinth of never ending streets, and with each turn, you are confronted by even more choices, each one leading down terribly different paths. The worst part is, there is no rote recipe to follow; sometimes the best choice is made with rationality, sometimes with intuition, sometimes with emotions, and it is unavoidable that you would make a wrong choice at one point or another. Yet you wonder, whether all the paths ultimately lead to the same ending, and if so, shouldn't any path you take be neither right nor wrong?

Yes, indeed there are no right or wrong choices, if you were to throw the concept of morality out of the window. It all condenses to how you choose to lead your life; with fame? fortune? love? deceit? integrity? Add in the notions of morality, practicality, fate and all you get is one big crazily perplexing world.

Innocence and naiveness, once lost, can never be regained. I don't want to know how the world works. I don't want to lose all the magic. I want to be told its ok to cry. I want to be told that tomorrow will be better, and I want to truly believe it.

I want to be a kid again.