I'm sick,
don't know what I ate (or didn't).
Sore throat, bad cough, stuffed nose and inexhaustible phlegm.
I'm bruised,
from being shot with paintballs a couple days ago.
In the head, my sides, my arm, my legs.
I'm dismayed,
because I didn't do very well on the test I studied the whole night for.
I'm scared,
my classes are going to get only harder.

I want to be carefree againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

Daylight Moon

Have you ever seen the daylight moon,
perched against the azure evening sky.
When wispy clouds undulate by,
to disclose bewitching mystique.
Its pastel luminescence harnessed
from the retiring sunset,
exuding simple earthly beauty.

Have you heard the daylight moon,
singing a soft melody.
The nimble wind dancing,
whilst the fallen leaves titter,
along to the peaceful tune.
And in ears when the song concludes,
hear you the whisper of Hesykhia*.

Take her hand you will,
for Allure seduces with her charm,
and rise to the orange sky,
as she spreads her majestic wings.
Close your eyes you should,
for when night falls,
you shall too into silken dreams.

So pray do tell,
Have you ever felt the daylight moon?


*Hesykhia - Greek goddess of tranquility

Phew. Exams are finally over.

So, I learned that I got accepted to UCLA a few days ago, but didn't have time to think about it because of the need to study. I have to say, after getting the letter, I wasn't quite as thrilled as I had expected myself to be. Most possibly it's out of disgruntlement that I did not apply to Harvard or Princeton (for those without any sense of humour: I'm kidding).

It feels just like when my English teacher commented, "I put your paper at the bottom of the stack because I want to save the best for the last." Now, don't get me wrong, I am unquestionably flattered, but it just seemed that she was going to have tremendously lofty expectations of me from then on.

Should you inquire, aren't you delighted at all? Of course. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's just that I'm getting really tired of letting others, or myself, down anymore, especially after recent events.

Some may say that I'm just bragging. Surveying the last few years of my life, I admit I am, because I'm so very disappointingly proud of all that I've 'achieved', if that makes any sense at all. Perhaps you understand, for like me, you have lost so much that were so important to you too.

The thing I love about instrumental music is that you get to fill in the lyrics as the melody plays. It's so much more poignant and emotional.

One of my favourites, an evocative piece: Whispers In The Dark
*Leave a comment if the link expires*


The strongest words are the ones that are left unspoken.

I love driving.

I went out a few times today; lunch with a friend, to get ice cream, rent a movie, walmart, dinner, spending most of the time in the car alone, driving while listening to music, and I can't say just how much I enjoyed that. You get to sort out your thoughts, but because you have to concentrate on the road, you're unable to get too deep into them - kind of hard to describe.

It's like your own little world, albeit small, but rather cozy in an indistinct sense. You can feel the slight bumps of the road, or the soft whisper of the wind rushing by outside. The scenery changes from the vast blue pacific ocean that spreads out around the sun drenched sand, tall palms and the handsome pier, to the gentle glow of lights on Main Street at night, the idyllic restaurants and thoughtful chime of the hourly bell. The mellow ballad flows through every inch of the car, accenting the placid mood suggested by the crescented moon and clear black sky.

Then I looked to my left, to the empty seat beside me, and I thought of how much I wanted to share those moments with you, and of those that we had shared; the many romantic and delightful escapades, sweeping from one end of the globe to another, from Disneyland to Mount Faber, from Santa Monica to the Fountain of Wealth, and so much more. And I smiled. I never was alone, was I? I always had the best company; the splendid memories, the best present anyone had ever given to me.

I'm moving on, slowly and carefully, for I don't want to lose all that you've taught and given me. The psychedelic experience of young love that we had cannot be forgotten, and neither will I make an attempt to erase it completely from my mind. You were once a congenial friend, then an affectionate lover, and now a distant memory. Distant, yet I know a small part of me will always love you.

You know you had not loved in vain, when you look back and all you see are the happy times. Thanks, darling baoya.



Did I mention how much I love driving?

The world becomes such a sad place when you learn that there are many instances when two who are very much in love may not be able to be with each other due to unfortunate circumstances.

Suddenly, I feel like my frustrations are so insignificant, juxtaposed with the colleague, who works two jobs 24/7 to support her daughters' college education, medication for her cancer-stricken husband, rent, bills, living expenses. Or the friend who has lost a family member. I catch them crying by themselves, out of sorrow, of distress, and a cold, clammy feeling creeps through me from head to toe. I can't help but frown and question; are my tears even justified when these people are going through so much more than me?

Sometimes I feel so helpless, because I know that regardless of how much effort I exert, or determination I have, there are just some things that are beyond my control.

Everyone has a right in the pursuit of happiness. But how do you correct an irreversible misstep, when that very mistake brings you on a path that takes you further and further away from bliss? You don't. Instead, you keep walking, until you find a different path that leads to a totally different kind of happiness, for better or for worse.

Well, whoever said that it was going to be easy?



On a lighter note, I am now officially LICENSED :)

You possess my heart, my body, my soul.




To what avail is it to attempt escape when the foolish heart thwarts each assay with fierce demur?

Chemistry is killing my brain cells, literally.
I breathed so much chloroform today, it's not even funny. Next lab session, I'm bringing with me a small towel, and have some deranged fun; sneaking up behind people and knocking them out cold with the good old chloroform + towel combination, rapist-style.

*wide eyed evil laughter*

Now now, rape is no laughing matter. I apologize for the callous humour, and I promise better jokes the next time around.

I'm just hungry, tired, miserable. And feeling a little insane.

Life sucks. I need a drink.

I'm missing the littlest girl. She has the dazzling smile of her mother, and the sharp nose of her father. And predictably, her eyes are the biggest, most beautiful jewels you've ever seen. Don't mistaken her fairness for sickness, or her kindness for pretense. When you're around her, she is always smiling, just like dad. Her intelligence (and name) comes from mum though, but she is never haughty. She is a most loveable little angel, the happiest girl in the world.

Even if I should never see her again, I know I'll always love her, and miss all the brightness and laughter she'd brought into my life.




Zzzz. Story of my life; "What if".

Sleepless nights spent in distant memories,
I drink from the deep, limpid glass;
The aged rum.
Its bittersweetness and tangy spiciness,
reminiscent of an unforgettable,
sentimental past,
dangling on a thin thread of hope.

As with each swallow I begin to fly,
through cozy evenings beneath the stars
and embraces under the moonlit skies,
racing along corridors of our youth.
Delicately, but running with abandon,
like raindrops pelting against
the windows of silent restaurants.

Yet, after many unabating dreams,
the strained thread would still not break.
Hence, belief takes the twisted arm of fate,
to attempt unravelling such cruelty.
But truth disrupts my perpetual slumber,
and I will then awaken,
to restless days fraught with simple reveries.

When you find that she is trying so hard to expel you from every aspect of her life, do you rejoice in the fact that you once meant so much to her, or do you begin to dread the day when you would mean completely nothing to her?
Nothing at all.

Love is a play. The characters are both in a fantasy world, where every single word uttered evokes joy, where nothing seems bleak. There's no such thing as "impossible"; hearts, beating in their chests, yet traveling thousand of miles in a single night. Words, ethereal but able to kindle a soothing warmth among the coldest nights. A simple hook of little fingers, signifying the sincerest trust they have in each other, a mutual promise that the show would go on forever.

But when the lights go down, and the curtains are drawn, and when you stand alone in the dim flicker of that dying candlelight inside, you laugh at all that gullibility you had. It's clear to see, you're no longer the protagonist of her show. You've lost your role, your talent, the biggest part of yourself.

And you shed a tear, but no one sees.

You shed a tear, but he's all she sees.

Have you ever came across a song that seemed to express your very feelings?

*Title is linked to the song, for your listening pleasure. If you want to download it, just click on the inverted triangle located at the bottom right-hand corner of the player(for Quicktime) and save it "as the source" after it is done loading*

张栋梁-北极星的眼泪

像斷了線 消失人海裡面
我的眼終於失去 你的臉
再等一會 奢望流星會出現
願 如果真的實現
愛能不能永遠
明天 或許來不及變
但曾經走過的昨天 越來越遠

北極星的眼淚 說不出的想念
原來我們活在 兩個世界
北極星的眼淚 你哭紅的雙眼
被淋濕的諾言 淹沒在心裡面
我抬頭看著 愛不見

再等一會 奢望流星會出現
願 如果真的實現
愛能不能永遠
明天 或許來不及變
但曾經走過的昨天 越來越遠

北極星的眼淚 說不出的想念
原來我們活在 兩個世界
北極星的眼淚 你哭紅的雙眼
被淋濕的諾言 淹沒在心裡面
我抬頭看著 愛不見

當對的人 等不到對的時間
就在放開雙手的瞬間 愛撕成兩邊

北極星的眼淚 說不出的想念
原來我們活在兩個世界
北極星的眼淚 你哭紅的雙眼
被淋濕的諾言 淹沒在心裡面
我抬頭看著 愛不見

整個宇宙都 流眼淚

I smell like a freakin' Korean barbecue, thanks Jon (tinge of sarcasm intended).

They said someday you'd find, all who love are blind. Now, laughing friends deride. Though, in all seriousness, it's better this way, for when they talk about it pensively, the numb feeling of being over her recedes, and you're back to missing her dearly again.

"You have to recognize that it's over. If anything happens between you and her in the future, it's a whole new different relationship. It doesn't carry on from this one. This one's over". I knew it was, but just hearing it from someone else, once more, jolted me to piercing reality. It's as if I knew, but was harbouring the hope that someone would refute that, or prove me wrong.

How do you hide the truth from yourself? What do you do, when you know it's your own heart that you can't trust?

You never forget the memories, you just choose to avoid them.
The pain doesn't subside, you just
get
used
to
it.

My job title is the creative coordinator of culinary arts. Yes, you've read it correctly. In other words, I perform mindless, yet magical, tasks such as lining pepperoni on cheese pizzas. Indeed, I transform your everyday, oh-so-common cheese pizzas into delectable, taste bud boggling pepperoni marvels. It isn't as bad a job as many would think, for it has nurtured me into a multi-tasking prodigy; I always am able to accomplish many things with my mind while fulfilling my professional obligations, such as revising for a test, or deciding on what am I going to dine on during my break.

So today, while exhibiting my creative talents and multi-tasking ingenuity, I came to a sudden revelation. An epiphany, a smack in the head (technically, the physical assault came from the boss for forgetting to turn on the oven). I realised that all the ladies whom I've been romantically involved with, or have taken such an interest in, are all older than me, whether by a few months, or years. Now, you would have to forgive me if you were expecting something much more consequential, but this very interesting, or seemingly so, fact has a significant effect on the revision of my dating mentality.

I couldn't help but question myself: Am I, god forbid, an oddity in the dating world? Or is it just an indication of my unsuitability for a relationship, with regards to my age?

It can't be that I'm too young, because I know many male friends of my age or less, that are almost all dating girls younger than them, and the few who are not, have previously been attracted to girls younger than them. So it must mean..

Oh crap. I'm an oddball. An Aston Kutcher (I'm not refering to his looks here). An "apedophile"! (for those who don't get it, the 'a' negates the word)

Therefore, taking into account how I would be judged and satirized, I've come to a startling conclusion:








But so what? I am who I am ;D

p.s. Driving test in 13 hours. Wish me luck people, not that I need any of that though!

Man is clever.
Man knows how to protect himself from hurt.
Man does not give it all.
Man is a master of deception.
Man plays the game smart; with mind, not heart.
Man walks away unscathed.

but he is no Man, just a Boy.

Boy, foolish you are.
Boy knows not the rules.
Boy leaps blindly.
Boy is naive; someone said, "love conquers all".
Boy clings on, devastated.

yet, Boy is now a man.
but Man, is just a boy.


Would you, like him, be a Boy? or a Man?

10 sure ways to lose a girl:

10) Stop doing the little things that matter to her, like writing her love mail.
9) Throw stupid tantrums.
8) Be unsupportive.
7) Leave her physically.
6) Worse, leave her emotionally.
5) Not realizing all the sacrifices that she had made for you.
4) Refuse to say 'sorry', until it's too late.
3) Stop telling her you love her.
2) Stop showing her you love her.
1) Take her love for granted, thinking that no matter how you treat her, she'll always be there.

Do all 10, and her heart will gradually slip away from you, even if you once meant the world to her.

It's too late for regrets, because you didn't treasure her when she was yours. You had your chance, and you blew it.

You, am I.